The Old Grumpies: From the Grumpy archives - the more things change...

From the Grumpy archives...
From the Grumpy archives...

At a recent meeting one of our members decided he needed to tell us about Lawrence Herb Pills.

Stating that the information he was giving us was from a cutting from our local paper (but at that stage not telling us that it was in 1888) he described what the advert claimed these pills could do.

“They work wonders for the human system changing it from its morbid and foul state to that of perfect health and comfort.”

Someone asked if they could get them on the N.H.S. Continuing to describe the pill’s wondrous qualities the following claims were read out:

“They will cleanse the stomach, purify the blood and stimulate the liver. They will free you from wind, pimples, scrofulous eruptions, bad breath and piles. For costiveness they are unequalled”

At this point one member said he suffered from most of the conditions mentioned and it didn’t matter how much they cost.

But there was more to come: “No female should be without them because the pills are ideally suited to ailments peculiar to females”.

“I’ll get the wife some as well,” was overheard.

Although the advert didn’t say “From extensive research,” it did say that millions of people had taken the pills and testimonials were available.

We all had a good laugh when the date of the advert was revealed.

But there was more to come and another advert was produced and we were asked to guess its date later with a clue that it was more recent.

This one did begin “From extensive research” and made the following claims;

“The treatment balances the cardiovascular system, treats respiratory disease, and regulates the digestive system by treating Irritable Bowel Syndrome, acid reflux, diabetes and obesity.

“It’s an effective treatment for water retention, frequent urination and incontinence.”

By this time members were becoming quite interested especially when further claims were made that it could balance the body’s hormone level and counter the effects of ageing such as impotence, prostate problems, period pains, infertility and the menopause.

One member admitted that he had suffered from nearly all those things directly and some of the others indirectly but became very interested when he learnt that the treatment was also effective for anxiety, depression, insomnia, panic attacks, Meniere’s Disease, tennis elbow, sciatica, arthritis and sports injuries.

So when was this advert in the local paper?

No-one was anywhere near the correct date, which was revealed as last month.

Questions were at fever pitch for details of this treatment.

All it needs apparently is for you to have a few pricks on your meridians and your Yin and Yangs will be suitably balanced.

Well, could you believe it? There’s something now as good as Lawrence Herb Pills...